Dancing Past the Dark ~ distressing near-death experiences

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ICU, Memory, NDE

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It has been almost eighteen months since a hemorrhagic stroke in my right temporal lobe knocked me almost completely out of commission. From the very beginning, even the days of confusional mental states in ICU, a single ambition about recovery has been clear to me:  I will put up a blog post. An interesting blog post.

The prospects ranged from dire to unlikely. Tremors snarled my typing and my handwriting is illegible. Sitting up to work required a hoist; I could not stand or reach or lift even a small book. It was a struggle to read a simple mystery novel, much less think enough to write paragraphs. I could not think of a thing to say.

But “inch by inch, row by row,” and as I write this, 517 days of healing have happened and are continuing. I still cannot think of a thing to say on my own; but this past week an email brought a perspective so fascinating that it popped everything open. This morning I made it through a full session of physical therapy walking shakily but without a walker, and this afternoon, here we are, drafting that blog post. Obviously, beyond my own determination, it is the care of a raft of health professionals, therapists, helpers, and people who love me that has brought us all to this point. I am so grateful to them, and to the writer of the email that ignited today’s topic, and to you readers for coming back.

The email from “Ann”:

 My mother (over 80 years old retired teacher) told me that she remembered some things from her recent surgery. I started to look for references about near death experiences and found your article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6173534/.

In January this year, my mother underwent an 8-hour-long abdominal surgery under general inhalational anesthesia [anesthetic gas] with endotracheal intubation [insertion of breathing tube] . She was septic, and she had a subileus [partial bowel obstruction] from extensive peritoneal adhesions [abdominal scar tissue] from prior surgeries.

She did not regain consciousness after her surgery and she stayed in the ICU for 45 days. During this time she was extubated, then she experienced hypoxia [low blood oxygen], reintubation, unstable SVT [very fast heart beat with low blood pressure] corrected by synchronized cardioversion, [electrical jolt to restore normal  heart rate] pneumonia, and tracheostomy [opening on of the neck to place a breathing tube].  She did have 2-5 day periods between these crises when she was under light sedation by propofol infusion or no sedation.

My mother is now recovering at a lower acuity unit and she told us that she remembered “things” from her OR and ICU stays:

  1. First she saw amorphous, dark entities approaching her. She was afraid of them.
  2. Then her field of vision brightened up and there was a pleasant light.
  3. In the end she saw a friend, and she knew that she would be all right. The friend is a physician at the hospital where Mother is staying and the friend visits her daily.

My mother thinks it is a memory and it made her more reflective. She is asking questions she would have never asked before (Am I a good person?). Before her illness she never talked about death, the word was banned and her goal was to live to be 100. She was raised Catholic, but for her religion is more of remembering childhood and Latin rituals. She believes in God, though, without defined beliefs about what happens after death.

Do you think this might have been an NDE?  

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

~ ~ ~

Other than that the writer is clearly medically sophisticated, did anything in the content strike your attention? What do you think it was that caught mine?

Here is an expanded version of my response:

Intensive care units are (understandably) notorious for their association with hard-to-explain states of consciousness. Given the seriousness of your [letter-writer] mother’s condition, her intermittent sedations, and the length of her stay in such high-stress surroundings, it is not surprising she has a blur to deal with.

Patients coming out of deep unconsciousness are like travelers returning home from abroad, though the ‘foreign country’ they describe is the unfamiliar territory of the deep unconscious. It is not unusual to hear of indistinct, shadowy figures such as those you mentioned. While many patients, like your mother, experience them as frightening, others find them non-threatening, even comforting presences. There is no “one explanation fits all” to identify them or their function.

Images have always been the language of disordered thinking—but they are also the vocabulary of art and spirituality, subject to much interpretation. The pleasant light your mom mentions is probably as close to having a universal meaning as any symbol, usually interpreted as having something to do with the sacred. The one anomalous element in her description is the presence of the physician friend, as it is not at all common for people who are still living to appear in these experiences.

The experiences are so different from everyday awareness! What are they, and how to interpret them? Given your mother’s situation, three explanations come immediately to mind: hallucination, ICU delirium/delusion, and anomalous experience (near-death experiences, for one).

  • Hallucinations are sensory perceptions, often chaotic, illogical, and emotionally charged, which are not shared in consensual reality. They may be vivid but do not ordinarily carry much in the way of deeper meaning (simply forms). Although a patient’s interpretation of a hallucination may endure and be troublesome, they are not known for creating life-changing aftereffects such as overturned values or sudden psychic abilities.
  • ICU delirium/delusion is a complex quick-onset confusional state, described by DSM-5 as involving attention deficits, disorientation and perceptual disturbances. Delirium, according to PubMed (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32644706/) is “the most common clinical manifestation of acute brain dysfunction in ICU,” especially for patients on mechanical ventilation. It may have long-lasting effects such as PTSD.
  • NDEs also present as emotionally charged images, often about movement through space and entering what feels like a profoundly meaningful environment. They tend to be more highly structured than hallucinations and can fall easily into a logical narrative form. They are known for their durability in memory and the pervasiveness of their effects on people’s lives.

So—NDE or not? Many people are powerfully affected by having to think of themselves as dead. If the “near-death” aspect is alarming, there may be comfort in knowing that in any sizable collection of these accounts, the majority are from people who were not medically declared dead (clinically dead), though as many as seventy-five per cent “had a sense of being close to death, were in a life-threatening situation, or believed they were clinically dead” [emphasis added]. (www.iands.org/ndes/about-ndes/key-nde-facts21.html) In other words, although the experiencers felt death, their physicians would not have confirmed it.

That is perhaps the greatest mystery of these experiences: if most do not originate in actual death, what is their source? The fault of the common confusion lies in the “near-death” name, which was accurate for the original study sample, all of whom had been in cardiac arrest; but that uniformity does not hold up in the general population of experiencers. In fact, many accounts featuring elements such as presences and a memorably pleasant light, like your mother’s report, have not explicitly mentioned death at all. The “non-death accounts” are called by many names–mystical experiences, exceptional human experiences, spiritually transformative experiences–there are dozens of terms and acronyms for them—but all may include the familiar NDE reports of out-of-body events, movement through space, encounter with presences, a sense of place and of being at home, emotions, profound life changes. Like death-related NDEs, they rarely speak to the beliefs and dogmas of any specific religion, though there is affirmation for love, compassion, fair play, and a sense of what I will call reverence.

Your mother’s circumstances certainly put her experience within the NDE type of non-pathological event. Coming from the confusing swirl of post-ICU images, as you and your mother are now discovering, the label of the incident is likely less important than the living of the experience’s beneficial psychological and spiritual effects. They are all full of mystery, whatever biological specifics may contribute to understanding them and by whatever name we call them.

The most striking observation to me is this:

“She thinks it is a memory and it made her more reflective. She is asking questions she would have never asked before.”

I have been fascinated by that: “She thinks it is a memory.” I wonder, a memory as opposed to…what? Perhaps a memory, in her terms, is more closely aligned with a physical experience than merely a glimpse of something? I am hearing it as perhaps an instance of our Enlightenment thinking: in Newtonian terms, does a memory originate somewhere tangible, as in a place? (Is this a restatement of the “hallucination vs NDE” question again?

Most NDE accounts are structured like stories, tangibly, with a sequence of incidents, one or more settings, characters—overall, becoming like a location for the memory. Otherwise, the happening might seem like something of no substance, something nonexistent. It’s a fascinating question! Is it perhaps the narrative sense which gives an NDE its feel of stability and being “realer than real”? Is memory simply a perspective?

I am aware that this exploration of things non-physical is likely to be unsatisfying for those grounded in the hard sciences. In terms of consciousness, though, there is no material substance, no physicality. What the writer’s mother remembers is a genuine memory of an experience of consciousness. This seemingly flimsy, invisible reality is actually so powerful that it is launching her, over 80, into asking the kinds of self-reflective questions maturity demands. She has been able to refuse them house-room before this hospitalization, but is now asking developmentally and morally imperative questions about herself and her life.

It is not easy, encountering whatever it is that lives, at least in part, in images across time and cultures and, at least in another part, in our individual heads. Socrates would be pleased that her life is being so carefully examined.

Please share your thoughts!  And “Ann”,  thank you for sharing your question!

Reality and non-reality

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It’s been a while. There have been wonderfully overflowing visits from two of my kids and their grown-up kids, and two out-of-town conferences in which I was a speaker, and a steady stream of hometown obligations including issues of local turmoil but also an exciting weekend-long program of which I was the organizer. And somehow, after the publication of Dancing Past the Dark and almost 100 posts on this blog, it felt as though I had run out of things to say about NDEs and anything else of substance. [Read more…] about Reality and non-reality

The experiential worlds of Stanislav Grof, M.D., #2: NDE realities

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The first book I read by Stanislav and Christina Grof was Beyond death: The gates of  consciousness (1980, Thames & Hudson). It is a concise and gorgeously illustrated look across time and different ethnic and religious groups at the astonishing similarities in their concepts of death and the afterlife. It was an eye-opener.

This post is taken from notes I made during my first reading of the book, with page numbers as notations. Some are quotes, others are paraphrases; all are, it seems to me still, very much worth taking in. [Read more…] about The experiential worlds of Stanislav Grof, M.D., #2: NDE realities

Universal Knowledge: the Akashik, Jung, and the Unconscious Mind

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With the recent post about Tibetan delogs [here], this ongoing discussion of distressing near-death experiences shifted its exploration of the Western idea of hell to a wider setting. Today it widens yet again, this time not geographically but conceptually, with a guest post by Micah Hanks from the blog Mysterious Universe.

A prolific writer and researcher, Micah addresses a variety of unexplained phenomena in the more esoteric realms of the strange and unusual as well as cultural phenomena, human history, and the prospects of our technological future as a species influenced by science. He is the author of several books, including Magic, Mysticism and the Molecule; is an executive editor for Intrepid Magazine; writes for a variety of other publications, including Mysterious Universe; and produces a weekly podcast that follows his research at his popular website, www.gralienreport.com. Hanks lives in the heart of Appalachia near Asheville, North Carolina.

This article originally appeared on Mysterious Universe and is reprinted here with permission.

Universal Knowledge: the Akashic, Jung, and
the Unconscious Mind

 Micah Hanks

My interest in the myths, symbols, and the unusual aspects of life often leads me into some fairly strange sub-adventures that underlie my day-to-day life. There are even certain points where I begin to feel that there is something of a continuum between them, and that particular themes will begin to emerge over and over again, until they finally command my attention. And interestingly, these sorts of instances often will yield the most fruit in terms of insights I am able to come away with regarding odd bits of esoterica.

One such instance involves a rather strange series of events surrounding the historic figure known as John Dee, a scientist, advisor, and spy for Queen Elizabeth I, in addition to having undertaken a variety of magical workings in his day. Knowing my interest in (and aptitude for) matters involving symbology, a woman had contacted me a while ago to ask whether I might know the meaning behind a certain strange little symbol: it resembled a stick man, with what resembled horns protruding from the head. Indeed, I did recognize the symbol, and within a few minutes, after initially mistaking it for being associated with the magician Aleister Crowley, I managed to confirm that it was the Monas Hieroglyphica of John Dee. In doing so, I also managed to spark a strange debate about the origins of symbols and information that the human mind seems capable of accessing at times… a process which some feels has ties to the otherworldly.

monas-300x300Once it was revealed that I had given the correct answer (which was posted on a Facebook group where others were attempting to solve the same riddle), I was subsequently contacted by a woman who wished to know how I had deciphered the symbol. She then told me she was a psychic, specializing in remote viewing, and wondered if I too, as she had done, managed to decipher the riddle “by consulting with the Akashic Record.” For the moment, I had somehow managed to give the impression that I was in touch with some kind of extra-bodily universal intelligence… but where, in fact, did my knowledge of the Hieroglyphica come from?

I found this question rather strange, and while I had to admit that I had not knowingly been in direct contact with a nonphysical “library”, of sorts, which stored universal knowledge, I had been intrigued by symbols like Dee’s Monas (pictured right) for quite some time, and had merely stumbled across the image at some point. But the question of whether I had been able to consult with “Akashic Records” was somewhat synchronistic all the same, since I had only recently been contacted by a friend, who after reading my book The UFO Singularity, asked me whether I thought artificial intelligence in the future might be able to solve the UFO riddle by accessing the Akashic Records.

For those unfamiliar with the topic, the so-called “Akashic Records” refers to a concept found in the mythos surrounding many spiritualist and religious teachings, believed to contain “all knowledge of human experience and all experiences,” along with the complete history of the cosmos. This information is “written”, woven, or encoded into the very fabric reality, a state sometimes referred to as the ”aether.” The name itself is derived from the old Sanskrit “akasha,” a word used to express similar aether-like concepts of an all encompassing “substance” that permeates all creation.

Edgar Cayce, the great “sleeping prophet,” was actually said to have attained his knowledge of ancient lost civilizations by directly accessing the Akashic Records while in a trance state, though this was not asserted by Cayce himself, but revealed later in the first book in an odd series, called The Law of One, where it is stated that Cayce obtained the information (here again, this “answer” is channeled in similar fashion), revealing that humans occasionally access such realms of knowledge that exist beyond the mind alone. The relevant passage reads as follows:

“We have explained before that the intelligent infinity is brought into intelligent energy from eighth density or octave. The one sound vibratory complex called Edgar used this gateway to view the present, which is not the continuum you experience but the potential social memory complex of this planetary sphere. The term your peoples have used for this is the ‘Akashic Record’ or the ‘Hall of Records’.”

But the notion that humans may be capable of accessing information they would otherwise not be capable of attaining is mirrored in the study of psychology as well, particularly in the works of Carl Jung. In his essay, Confrontation with the Unconscious, he notes the appearance of an archetype he calls “Philemon,” which was an older male figure he refers to as a guide throughout his various imaginary visions. At one point, Jung begins to recognize the information imparted to him by Philemon as seeming to emanate from someplace other than his own mind:

Philemon and other figures of my fantasies brought home to me the crucial insight that there are things in the psyche which I do not produce, but which produce themselves and have their own life. Philemon represented a force which was not myself. In my fantasies I held conversations with him. and he said things which I had not consciously thought. For I observed clearly that it was he who spoke, not I. He said I treated thoughts as if I generated them myself, but in his view thoughts were like animals in the forest, or people in a room, or birds in the air, and added, “If you should see people in a room, you would not think that you had made those people, or that you were responsible for them.” It was he who taught me psychic objectivity, the reality of the psyche. Through him the distinction was clarified between myself and the object of my thought. He confronted me in an objective manner, and I understood that there is something in me which can say things that I do not know and do not intend, things which may even be directed against me.

It is a very strange notion indeed, that some aspects of human existence may be rooted within a complex collective unconsciousness, as Jung supposed; even more strange and perplexing is the idea that the human mind might even draw information from elsewhere… places or planes of thought and imagination that exist beyond the mind itself. I certainly don’t feel that I’ve done this myself, especially in my modest ability to reflect upon seeing, at one point, John Dee’s Monas Hieroglyphica; let alone do I acknowledge that there are components within the mind that, in scientific terms, might be capable of extending beyond the physical. But the prevalence of this concept in various cultures and traditions, along with allusions to similar processes expressed by Jung, do provide some compelling and challenging notions about the inner workings of the human mind.

Where is the medical evidence that NDEs happen?

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The blog Skeptico recently featured an interview with PMH Atwater, after which a couple of commenters kept asking about the medical evidence that her three NDEs happened. In fact, they wondered whether any NDE can be said to happen in the absence of corroboration. Where are the records? Or, to quote one comment, “An NDE-like experience without any witnesses or medical documentation to support it can be anything, including hallucinations.”

Those questioners are far from alone. The fact that this question keeps being asked is an indication that a great many people don’t get the idea of “experience.” Any experience is a private, personal happening in consciousness. It is not a public activity. By definition, a near-death or similar experience cannot be witnessed, although in rare instances it may be shared.

The best a medical record can do is track physiological events and record circumstances. Although a monitoring device may register a blip in some function being recorded, it cannot indicate the presence of an NDE during that blip. No one watching the monitor will see, or feel, or think what the patient is seeing and feeling and thinking. In short, the biological event may be witnessed, but the NDE itself is not open to observers.

It seems ironic that under the most tightly monitored circumstances, in cardiac arrest with stringent clinical recording, studies find the fewest reports of NDEs. Does this mean that near-death experiences in other circumstances are fraudulent? No, it means simply that the conditions surrounding cardiac arrest and resuscitation either do not promote having an NDE or affect a patient’s being physically and cognitively able to report it afterward. As for mistaking one type of experience for another, the differences between the sensations and effects of NDEs and hallucinations have been well documented for two decades; that is no longer an issue except for people who are unaware of the research.

I wonder, after so many thousands of NDE reports with no corroborating medical records but with objective evidence of life changes to indicate that something happened, what is it that people are looking for in demanding medical evidence?